Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I don't mean to come across as insensitive...

...but as my fellow Iowans are mourning the death of an ISU student that got hit by a train and died this past weekend, all I can do is sit here and wonder: Who the FUCK gets hit by a train!?!?

You've all heard of the Darwin Awards, right? People dying in absolutely spectacularly stupid ways? Well in my honest opinion, getting hit by a train in this day and age has to sit at the very top of this list. I mean, all through school, from Pre-School through college, I never once had to sit through a class or lecture on how to not get hit by a train. You know why that is? Because not getting hit by a train is very simple. You don't get hit by a train by doing precisely the following:

ANYTHING but "Standing on train tracks when a train is coming".

If you disagree, and think this needs further analysis, let’s recap…

Trains ARE:

Big.
Loud.
EXTREMELY LIMITED IN WHERE THEY CAN AND CANNOT GO

Trains are NOT:

Invisible
Stealthy
Known to make sudden movement
Veer off course
Make ‘wrong turns’
Dart buses (this one, only my Central Iowa readers will ‘get’).

The only quasi-rational explanation I can even remotely fathom for how this occurred comes in the detail of the story that explains how this girl got tired, told her boyfriend she didn’t’ want to walk anymore, and her boyfriend offered to go and get his car and come pick her up. Now maybe, MAYBE, she then saw the train, and in a drunken haze, thought it was her boyfriend’s car. Of course the question then needs to be asked: why did she decide to stand right in the path of her boyfriend’s car? And why would she think her boyfriend drove a train….either one takes away from the plausibility of this explanation.

Seriously, I don't mean to sound like a dick, but this one really blows my mind...

Thursday, April 22, 2010

My wit is wordy...

I don't understand how people can use the same thing for their Twitter Tweets as they do for their Facebook status updates. Condensing what I use on FB into less than 140 characters for Twitter has become my new arch-nemesis. Perhaps I should just invent my own version of shorthand, and require all of my followers to learn it...

In other news, Twitter just isn't taking off for me like Facebook has. Perhaps I need to just stick with what I know, and enjoy the surprising (and somewhat disturbing) cult following I've developed on FB. I'm beginning to understand why Madonna eventually gave up on a movie career...

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

A quick, brief thought that's too long for FB or Twitter...and about 4 days past being relevant...

I saw Ke$ha's performance on Saturday Night Live from last weekend. Anyone remember how back in the 90's, and everytime Disney released a movie in theaters, some no-name animation company would release a knock-off on VHS to try and trick unsuspecting grandparents into buying their grandkids the crappy yet similar movie for Christmas? Well, Lady Gaga is the Disney Movie, Ke$ha was the crappy, yet eerily similar knockoff.